Kidney stone days….

So the other day I had some interesting 5 minutes….

EB pooped, I set GB down, changed EB and while going to toss the diaper, I dropped it and poop rolled out onto the carpet. While scooping it up, GB realized that he was not being held and the bouncer doesn’t quite cut it, so he flipped his lid and started screaming. 
At this moment, the cats decided that it was perfect time to start running around the house like a deranged pack of horses, hissing at each other. And EB decided he had to match them for running speed. 

I managed to finish cleaning the poop, kick the cats out to the backyard, wash my hands, make a bottle and pick GB up. 
I sat there, feeding the baby, with EB galloping around the house and the Bear texts me to ask how my day has been. 
“Interesting” doesn’t quite cover the previous 5 minutes. 

A couple weeks ago, I ran across this phrase on social media:

I don’t know whom to credit for the phrase. But I fell in love with it. 

And it’s become a short answer, code word-type deal in our household. 

“What’s your day been like?”
“Kidney stones. Big ones”. 

And we immediately get it. 

Do you have “kidney stones” in your life?

I hope they pass quickly. 

Have a great day!



There’s something in marine biology called¬†Cetacean surfacing behavior.¬†Basically, behaviors of whales, dolphins, etc. when they surface for air, playing, etc.
I love seein pictures/videos of when they lunge/breach out of the water and just flop back in sideways. I imagine if you’re a lonely sailor out on a dingy and a whale does this next to you, you’re pretty much toast.

The image below is from the Wikipedia article, not sure who to credit for it.

But, I digress. Or egress….or change the conversation. Kind of.

Allow me to reboot my brain…….




Nope…..not working.

Ah, yes, lunging. There’s a moment in the first couple of months of your child’s life when they start trying to lift their heads.

And oh, my goodness, do they ever flail. And headbutt. EB gave me a few painful fat lips when he went through that stage. Now that GB is entering it, I’m debating buying a helmet, hahahahaha.

But here’s the best bit……You’ll be holding them in your arms, and delude yourself into thinking that they’re nice and settled and you lean them against one shoulder, while you stretch your opposite arm to do something important, like open a door, pick up your lukewarm coffee, pull that bit of oatmeal that your toddler threw at you out of your hair…..

And all of a sudden, your little bundle of joy will decide that this is the perfect time to try and lift their head. And they LUNGE, just like that picture up there. And all of a sudden, you have a flailing, lunging, falling child and you have to let go of whatever you just grabbed to catch them.

And you’ll have a little heart attack.

Then you catch them and they look at you with a gurgle and smile and you try to jump start your heart and brain. And you’re glad you survived and tell yourself they won’t catch you unawares again.

……right. I need more coffee.

These pregnant days

I spent a lot of time barefoot growing up. Sure, I had shoes for school, church, flip flops, etc. But as soon as I got home, shoes were off, regardless of my being indoors or out in the backyard.
This is fairly common for a lot of people, specially if you live in a hot weather climate.

As an adult, my feelings towards shoes haven’t changed much. I still spend most of my day barefoot around the house.¬†If I have to wear shoes, these¬†are my current choices:

1. A pair of walking shoes for everyday. Since they’re basically the only shoes I wear year round, I usually buy nice, quality shoes with good foot support.

2. A pair of snow boots for bad weather.

3. Not really for going out, but a pair of old Crocs that I wear from time to time when I’m cleaning and don’t want to track dirt from room to room.

…..and that’s it. I have a couple pairs of flip flops vegetating in the closet that see the light of day every other leap year.¬† I don’t go fancy places that require fancy shoes, so my footwear shopping happens whenever my everyday shoes pretty much begin falling apart.

The thing about being pregnant, is that your body changes in more ways than one.


A friend of mine shared this article the other day: “10 Reasons Why Women Who Hate Being Pregnant Should Talk About It More”.

I have met women who have said that being pregnant was the only time in their lives when they felt truly happy. And I’m happy for them.¬†I fully fall into the category described in the article linked above. I wholeheartedly agree that talking about what happens during pregnancy needs to happen more and more. I worked with young women at a rehab center who were pregnant and had no idea about what was happening to their bodies. To say that some of them were shocked is to put it lightly.

I’ve been pregnant 4 times, and so far the actual process hasn’t exactly been a happy one 100% of the time:

The first two ended in ER tears and tragedy.

The third, EB, was a stressful time. Between the memory of the two loses, the weight of gestational diabetes and the ups and downs of pregnancy itself, I was pretty high strung throughout the nine months. When EB ended up in the NICU on day two, I just about lost my mind (he recovered quickly, thank God, not sure about my mind).

The fourth is still in progress, and I’m so ready for June to get here.

I love my children. The ones in Heaven, the one currently snoring next to me and the one trying to test the physical limitations of my ribs.

I can deal with the cravings, having to pee every five seconds and I have no problem with saying no to alcohol. I can deal with the back pain and night sweats. Hair in strange places is sometimes amusing, and feeling those kicks can be pretty cute.

As your body changes during pregnancy, some things change that might not occur to you, like your feet. My very comfortable walking shoes now hurt me at every step. I’ve been wearing my old, work-around-the-house Crocs and even those are starting to bother. At least the weather is warming up and I don’t have to worry about walking through snow nearly barefoot. The pain got so bad, that I couldn’t move without limping heavily. The OB referred me to Orthopedics, who unfortunately can’t do anything about it, since I can’t have an x-ray until after delivery. With EB, it was carpal tunnel during pregnancy and for months after delivery. I still have some very attractive hardcore wrist braces from those days.

As a long-time migraine sufferer, I hate that I can’t take the meds I need to kill a headache. Specially when my son wants to play with me and I’m in too much pain to even open my eyes.¬†I lucked out in the morning sickness department, as I pretty much had none. Migraines, on the other hand……ergh.

The first time you’re pregnant, although all the information on what to do is coded into your DNA, your body is in a bit of a shock. It’s the first time it’s had to grow a human.¬†The second (and third, fourth, etc) time….your body knows what to expect. And it goes all out.

Which is why women who’re pregnant for a second time show a baby belly earlier. Things swell faster, get bigger, joints loosen up more than before. Actions such as coughing, sneezing and even eating become painful. I ate two slices of toast the other day and then spent the next four hours feeling like I’d eaten an entire Thanksgiving turkey with all the popular sides.

And oh, my goodness, do I ever miss breathing. It’s funny how you take something so basic for granted until it’s gone.

As the weather has warmed up, I’ve been wanting to take EB out to the park so he can run amuck, but between the aching feet, the exploding head and the inability to fill my lungs with oxygen, it’s near impossible to keep up with him. And this kiddo is fast @_@

Nope. I do not enjoy being pregnant. There’s no adorable mother-to-be glow about my person.

What is parenting like? These guys have great answers (beware, some might have language not suitable for kiddos): Fowl Language, Story of this life, Perfection Pending.

Soon, there will be two kiddos running amuck through the house, who will do their absolute best effort in driving me even more insane than I could ever fathom.

Is this whole thing worth it?  Yep. It most certainly is.

One or three or more….

Growing up, I played with dolls. But I was never big on the “playing house” element of dolls. I didn’t dream of having babies/being mommy. I’d arrange sets and put up theatricals instead, sometimes borrowing my brother’s action figures to beef up the cast, haha. 

As I moved from college to the rest of my life, I was pretty sure I’d become the single, crazy aunt that my siblings’ kids could send their kids to, with all my books and cats.
In a curious twist of fate while living in Colorado, in between job hunting and reading, I spent time on an online forum for geeks and nerds. Everything movies, comics, video games, etc. One of my forum friends became my best friend, years later my boyfriend and years later the Bear. 

It wasn’t until I found myself married to a great guy that I started thinking of Mommyhood. But six years and two miscarriages into our life together, it seemed that it just wasn’t going to happen. With PCOS and the doctors gently pointing out I was reaching the “mature mother” stage of the late 30s, things looked grim. We thought about adoption, but the ever-relocating nature of a military life made it hard to plan. 

A routine checkup a year after arriving to our current duty station told us that EB was on the way. While pregnant with him, someone shared this article with me: “Why miscarriage matters when you’re pro-life”

I have heard almost every single one of the things the author lists, often from those close to me and more than once concerning our loses. 

I have a toddler now and he’s the light of my days; everyday he amazes me with the strength of his life and determination to accomplish things, no matter how small. I live in a constant haze of exhaustion and caffeine fumes but I love him to bits. 

However, there is no doubt that I miss the other two as well. As my due date approached, more than one person said something to me along the lines of “NOW you’re gonna be a Mom”.
And I couldn’t help but start pondering about it. Am I the mother of one child or three? The other two babies might not have made it, but that doesn’t make them any less real to me.

And if I introduce myself as the mother of one, am I denying the other two? I know if I introduce myself as the mother of three and they only see one, they’ll ask about the other two and that will be a very uncomfortable conversation on both sides.

These thoughts keep me up at night sometimes.

Back in October I started feeling sick. My exhaustion was reaching worrysome levels and out of sheer curiosity and because I still had one in the cabinet, I took a pregnancy test. And then the lab at the hospital took another. And to make it a short story……..we found out this last week that we’re having another boy. 

The gentle “you’re getting older” from the doctors now officially reads “mature pregnancy” on my chart and I’ve had some interesting tests done to make sure things are going ok.
I am beyond exhausted now, but excited about the possibilities, with a side of “good grief we’ll be changing duty stations with a 2 year old, a 4 month old and two cats” hyperventilating thrown into the mix. 

After GB (as baby boy #2 will be referred to from now on) arrives, we’ll be done with having kids. It’s good to understand your limitations, haha. 

Am I now the mother of 4? 2? 1 with 1 on the way? Musings, musings. 

Have a good day.